Sunday 8 June 2008

Waikiki Zoo Pamphlet

Monkey

The monkey is a crap animal. The only reason we have any here is because people expect monkeys in zoos.

Birds
I hate birds too.

Dinosaur
This is a brontosaurus, it is not a snake. Dinosaurs are great. This particular dinosaur is called Antoby. He is actually just a model and not a real dinosaur.

Toby Stephens
Toby Stephens is a terrible actor who has a barrel for a body. He is Professor McGonagal's son.

Dancing Bears
Dancing bears are very rare and these almost human like bears are made from other bears.
Dancing bears are very protective of their fez/ waistcoat ensembles and clean them frequently.
NEVER anger a bear when it is washing it's fez. All dancing bears share the same favourite dance song 'Say Say Say (Waiting 4 U)' by Hi Tack.

Bumans
We have currently only four bumans in residence. Bumans are a highly endagered species of celebrity and are bred only in captivity (for control purposes).
Currently we have Bill Oddie (Billiam Bumoddie), Kris Acabussi (Kris Accabuman), Jim Carey (Jimus Bumey) and Terry Jones (Terry Jones) who has been affectionately named 'Tel' by the other bumans.
A buman is a hybrid between a human celebrity and a bird. They can not fly, though they have flown. They have yellow feet and so are camoflagued from the foot down in yellow terrains. Bumans always have their hands in their pockets.

6 comments:

Nancy said...

Re Toby Stephens:
you gotta be kidding me! He is smokin' hot. Like many actors, he gains or loses weight, or builds up muscle, etc., according to the roles he plays.

IMO he's an incredible actor who literally transforms himself into the person he's playing, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion (as long as they've watched enough of his stuff--a lot of which is on the stage--to form an opinion...).

This is Mr. Stephens in the lead role of Horner in the Restoration comedy, The Country Wife, (hence the hairstyle and clothing--no, he didn't pick those out himself) staged in London last fall.

http://www.arenapal.com/fotoweb/Preview.fwx?position=4&archiveType=ImageFolder&sorting=ModifiedTimeAsc&search=toby%20stephens&fileId=37D47650838CC38D45944787427ED43BAA16554EB1278861C2D9F86A0157820BF54FC7DCE88FF78F856CA77C7CDEA3BB9AC669F11F5BA3ABF62AC00B4769138BF59F0E9779764859ED5AB702CDEA1FC8088BE4E6845C957FDA79DB3B4754E124EADBE44F9CE79BEF027E80D8BB5208A4

Not very barrel-like, n'est-ce pas?

Not Beehive said...

Dude, I've got serious barrel fever and his name is Toby.

Aren't all those dancing bears on drugs?

Unknown said...

Girl, get yourself some glasses.
What a pity you cannot appreciate pure acting talent, a gorgeous dark velvety voice, stunning looks, an amazing personality OH YES & BRILLIANT ACTING! Go watch the OC or the Hills or Liar Liar or whatever brainslush you think makes a decent acting production.
I suppose thats what happens when you only have 3 brain cells.....

Unknown said...

OK Ms. ‘Scene’,

If your favorite movie is Liar Liar, CLEARLY you should be judging NO ONE'S acting ability.

Perhaps if we stopped hating the world so much, and actually attempted to engage it, we would be a slightly happier person. At the least the rest of us wouldn't have to suffer your tired trite rants.

Lady Síle Eversley said...

Toby Stephens is one of the most talented actors around. Not just for TV - not just for film - but for theatre as well - the real deal. Factor in good looks, a politeness which you don't come across every day and you have 'Perfect Man.' Perhaps you may like to raise your sights a little higher - from the petrie dish culture to the type which really exercises the mind (if there is one present)

anniemac said...

Toby Stephens is a class actor.
Toby Stephens' admirers are a very classy group of people.
This explains why you do not belong in such elite company.